Thanksgiving and not giving

Last week I attended a new church just to visit. The pastor of this new church-plant was my high school pastor in California. As he spoke my heart began to hurt. I was reminded why the church I grew up in was so toxic. It fell victim to complacency. There was no example to live by. The pastor had some funny antics about the Thanksgiving holiday weekend. What he did with his family and some funny stuff about his mother-in-law. What I felt missing was the leadership example so many desperately need to see. What was done to help a local homeless shelter? Or who in the church body, that is alone, was invited to join you and your family? During this holiday, which is all about being thankful, what are we doing to help those around us?
As a visitor to this church I may have just come in on a week they didn't talk about their involvement in the community but it did reminded me of why I left everything and everyone behind to pursue an education in bible, church and ministry. I want my life lived as Christ lived. I want to lead by example and I don't ever want to be complacent. My soul longs to live as if nothing matters more than showing Christ's love to everyone around me. My flesh gets in the way of that soul deep desire, every second of every day. But it did make me sad that although years had gone by between the last time I saw this pastor that part of his ministry had not changed. He, as well as the rest of the church, are the reason I left. They literally kicked me out when I needed love and compassion the most. But after almost 8 years I have forgiven them their part in that and was hopeful of a possible future in this new church. How can I desire to get involved in church where I don't trust or believe in the foundations of it or it's pastor? How many sit in church on Sunday listening to a pastor who is an incredible speaker? Men like Joel Osteen and women like Beth Moore are incredible speakers. They get the point across and they have a way of convicting us while we sit there in front of them. Weirdly enough...we pay them to make us feel guilty! We sign up for their bible study groups and we buy their video's and CD's to watch at hope. All to feel that conviction. It's as if we are addicted to the conviction. We feel convicted so we react. Suddenly we realize the need for giving so we write our church a big check and promise God to start tithing...soon. Or we volunteer but only on a week by week basis we have regular lives after all. And then things settle back down. We miss a weekend or two of volunteering and we keep forgetting our check books at home to write that tithing. I used to love volunteering for my adults group at church at home in California. It often was the highlight of my week to cook for my friends and visitors. But I'd miss a Sunday and then find myself trying to pass the responsibility onto someone else. Each week begging off that I just couldn't do it. Why am I addicted to the feeling of conviction? When my own spiritual life is lacking it's the fire that makes me jump back in line. It never works for long, just like a drug, we come down off it and need another fix to function again.

(Written 12/2/2011)