Thrown Under the Proverbial Bus

Have you ever not done something because you don't want your actions to cause someone else harm? You say to your friends, "I can't do that! It would be throwing "so and so" under the bus!" That was how I felt with Katie. I was willing to be patient, wait for her to come around, to deal with whatever her problems are. I thought for sure we'd eventually work things out and I couldn't just run away from her. That would be throwing her under the bus. If I left how would she pay rent or where would she go? I can't do that to her. But she can do it to me.
I came home from work yesterday to find her, her mother and brother moving all of her stuff out of our apartment. Just like that she gave up and left me hanging. Knowing I have no where to go and hardly any money in savings. And yet she doesn't care? How can this be? My heart breaks. It breaks for everything unsaid and the friendship undone. And I just can't help but feel abandoned. 2000 miles from home and the one person that's supposed to be there left. Without a word. I have no idea how to deal with this yet. And in the midst of mountains of homework, full time job and no car I just have to sit and wonder..."what the hell dude?!" I set off on this adventure so sure. Sure that I was following God, sure that this was going to be the greatest adventure ever and definitely sure I would grow closer to my Father. I don't see it. I don't see why this was so wrong?

"Then Jesus said, 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.'" -Matthew 11:28-30

Spring has Sprung!

It's spring time in Georgia! And I have to admit I'm being smacked in the face with beautiful nature wherever I walk. Since losing my car (long story) last month I have been walking to and from school/work several times a week. It's a little over 2 miles one way and really gives me a chance to see 'nature'. I often tell people that California's do like their nature but we like it neat and clean and surrounded by a fence. We section off nature, pay people to maintain it, charge people to come see it, run around it, walk through it and sit in it. None of this "nature explosion" happening here in Georgia. (You can try to rationalize this and say "What about Yosemite?! It's huge! Still a park, people...still has a fence around it.And last time I was there it was $20 bucks to get it!) In Georgia nature is unruly. It doesn't listen! There are vines growing around trees and over telephone posts, butterfly's the size of my face fluttering about literally IN MY face! It's down right unnerving to this city girl. I am coastal  girl at heart. "Surf, Sun and Sand" is tattooed upon my heart and all this nature is bumming me out. I can appreciate the beauty and watching the sun set over blooming trees and vibrant green grass is stunning to behold but it just doesn't ease my soul the way ocean waves and warn sand does.
Lately, I've spent a lot of time alone. A season of loneliness, if you will. At first I fought God on this trying to make and maintain new and far friendships, keep myself busy socially but He continued to shut those doors. I can not say I fully understand why but I do realize He is teaching me something with this season. I am encouraged to know that although this isn't much fun, like Spring, seasons come to an end. They give way to other seasons of our lives. Loneliness is not something I do well. I'm not that person that likes my alone time on a regular basis but I'm coming to enjoy it. I spend much more time talking to God because of it. I'm learning that while my roommate is hating me (for unknown reasons) and my job is no fun and I have no way of meeting new friends because I work all day every day and don't have a car, I am fine. I haven't fallen apart or had a mental breakdown from being alone.1 Corinthians 16:13 "So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless." Often times it's hard to remember that what we are doing isn't for others but for God. It does, however, take the pressure off of us. I have been struggling with my roommate situation these past few weeks. There has been a strange shift just in the past few weeks that has caused Katie and I to distrust each other. I do not know her reasons but for me I am frustrated. I clean, and wash, do dishes, vacuum, mop, sweep and dust our apartment to the point of exhaustion but feel unappreciated and a little used. Those tasks are never reciprocated. And then after feeling grumpy for those reasons her general lack of trust and passive-aggressiveness only serves to irritate me more. I'm ready to yell at her, to storm out or move out and never come back. But what would that accomplish? I can see she is hurting for her own personal reasons and my own ability to let trivial annoyances cloud our friendship will only aid in her distrust! The 1 Corinthians verse came to my email from KLOVE about a week ago and I continually go back to it daily. I need to remember to be still and to trust God above all else. What I do here I do for His glory not my own. I do these things because the need to be done and whatever I do for the least, I do for Him. I am not cut out for Southern living but I do long to serve my God wherever He has me, knowing that eventually, things will change for me. Better or worse, things will be different.