This is NOT what I ordered!

While planning to leave my home in California for this beautiful state called Georgia I had big dreams for school. It pretty much revolved around the scene of Legally Blonde where Elle arrives at Harvard in a convertible car toting a mini dog named Bruiser. I had visions of sitting behind dark wood desks in classes with seasoned professors wearing bow ties and tweed jackets. They would daily give the most interesting and engaging lectures and after I would spend hours in a huge old library studying and doing homework to my hearts content. To my school fantasy I also added hours and hours of debates with fellow students about Christianity, politics, religion and ministries.
Fast forward to reality. Instead I am surrounded by mostly juvenile 18 year old children, more concerned about Mrs. degrees and hiding their pot habits from coaches than about homework, let alone what's happening to children in sex trafficing. I have yet to have a real conversation about God, love, missions, etc. Everyone here seems keen to impress and flaunt their "Christian accomplishments" and hard pressed to do anything that really drives them. How easy it is to get lost in a world full of Christians sitting on their hands. I daily forget why I am here in the first place. I desire to know my God. To know what I'm standing for and believing in, but at what cost? Is it worth staying here for 4 long years to get a piece of paper saying I know enough about ministry in the church? I took this step as a way of striking out on my own path with Christ. Following Him and his lead in my life...into the unknown, I said. Except now I don't see the path. All I see is darkness. I'm frozen in fear. Have I strayed from the path I so emphatically set upon?

I need you, you are all I'm living for, Jesus.

I feel stuck. This isn't what I ordered. This isn't what I signed up for? Is this really what you wanted for me? Was your path really for me to leave my friends, church and family who have taught me to accept, love and see past wounds and brokenness, to live vibrantly for You and plop me down into the midst of a bunch of do-gooders? I am so exasperated by the inactive religion around me. How do I change it? How do I keep going when I just want to scream at them all? Where is the line of acceptance and intolerance? Lord, I need your grace in my life and your fire in my soul. To do Your will, not mine.